this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
