Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
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