This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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