and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
