you guys were way drunker than both of me
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
