Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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