Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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