I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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