Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
whose ass print is on the piano?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Pants are for mortals
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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