how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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