so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
