I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Is Oprah even human
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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