i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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