I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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