There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
