I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
