my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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