I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Randomize
