It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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