end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
