When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
