Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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