Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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