i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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