Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize