what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
