can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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