shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
