Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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