You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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