How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize