It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
