the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
please don't ironically join a cult
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