Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
