my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
