covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
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