Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
