new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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