I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize