my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
