highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize