I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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