Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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