great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
