false alarm. still invincible.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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