Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize