I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
