This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
