when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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