He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
