I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
