Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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