Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
be right there i have to get my cape
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
