I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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