Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
