Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
