yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
