You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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