i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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