How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
