Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
