My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
