I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Randomize