I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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