Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
