So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
