got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
