My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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