When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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