Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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